


ultra kind of love

by straysncts



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Pining, florist!jeno, high school!au, idk how else to describe it, markhyuck, on the side tbh, painter!renjun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-07 03:48:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13426170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straysncts/pseuds/straysncts
Summary: renjun disrupts the daily routine of jeno’s life. jeno decides he doesn’t really mind.





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> soooo this is me giving the world the high school!noren + side markhyuck fic it deserves ur welcome its rly not the best but i wanted to share because ive been working on it for the longest time n i like the plot even if i didnt do it justice so here i am! kudos n comments are always very very very appreciated

jeno has a _routine,_ one that he particularly enjoys. he thinks it’s because he seeks comfort in regularity, in knowing what comes next. during the weekdays, he drags himself out of bed and makes his way to the kitchen, sleepily rubbing his eyes and pouring milk into his bowl of cereal, before brushing his teeth and putting on his clothes, smoothing out any noticeable wrinkles. he slips on his shoes, taking the same route to school - crossing the street once, one left and two rights. he meets donghyuck and mark at the same place, in front of the school, and goes to his first period with them. it’s reassuring, the predictability of how his days go.

weekends are less structured, mostly depending on whether or not he has work. but regardless, he has a routine. and, yeah, it may seem a little too much at times, but he likes it. “it’s because you have a stick up your ass,” donghyuck explains during lunch later that day. he’s laughing, even when mark elbows him, shooting him a pointed glare before focusing his attention back on jeno. “better than what he does every morning.” mark reassures, gesturing at donghyuck. “it works.” donghyuck shrugs, looking pleased, and jeno can’t help but laugh. see, this, this is normal - jeno bringing up something that earns a snarky response from donghyuck and a protest from mark, who always shoots him an apologetic glance. 

what’s _not_ normal is the pretty boy who shows up at the shop one day, looking for something. “do you, uh, need some help?” jeno offers, trying not to dwell on the boy’s features, no matter how soft and lovely they may seem. “what kind of flowers scream ‘i think i have the world’s biggest crush on you please don’t reject me’ the most?” the boy asks, looking nervous. he flat out blushes when jeno makes eye contact with him, and he almost sighs, finding the whole scenario a little bittersweet because the boy is more than cute, but his thoughts are obviously elsewhere. he smiles at him anyways, gesturing at some of his favorite flowers, smiling when each is puncuated with a soft “ah,” from the boy. 

“i think i’ll take...these.” he points awkwardly at one of the roses, and jeno smiles at him, already moving to get them ready for the boy. “if these flowers don’t work, i want a refund.” the boy jokes, relaxing when jeno cracks a small smile. “let me know how it goes, yeah?” he forced out, trying to be polite, and the boy is nodding at him, smiling brightly when he sees how pretty the flowers look. “if i don’t show up, assume it went well.” the boy confides, grinning at him as he opens the door, and jeno smiles, waving goodbye. it’s bittersweet, he decides.

“join the club.” donghyuck grumbles when jeno tells them about the boy the following monday, earning a “what’s that supposed to mean?” from mark, and jeno briefly wonders if donghyuck’s finally going to grow a pair and tell mark, who couldn’t be more oblivious. “nothing.” donghyuck sighs, and jeno feels the need to intrude before things go the wrong direction. “what’s the club called?” he blurts out, deciding to humor donghyuck for once, and he seems grateful for the distraction. “the sad gays club. we have one member. me. please join. i don’t want us to go under.” he deadpans, and jeno laughs way too hard, especially when mark retorts, “who’s us if it’s just you in the club?” donghyuck protests in return, arguing that mark can’t drag his club if he isn’t part of it, and jeno feels a sense of normalcy settle back over them. that is, until mark shoots back, “who says i’m not part of it?” and everything descends back into chaos for the remainder of lunch.

the boy shows up at his work a couple of days later, once again disrupting his routine, but jeno feels a little less bothered this time, even thinking that he could get used to it. the boy just smiles sheepishly when he notices him, and jeno gestures for him to go outside, to the bench jeno only ever sits on during his breaks. (already breaking his own rules for some boy he barely knows) “i’m here for my refund,” the boy blurts out, and jeno feels his nose scrunch up as he laughs. “maybe you shouldn’t have relied purely on my word.” he teases, turning to look at the boy, who’s fiddling with his fingers. he nods in agreement, even though jeno was just joking. “whoever it was, they’re stupid.” jeno assures, and the boy mumbles a quiet, “he is stupid,” in return and jeno barely registers the words, biting his lip in an effort to hold himself back once it hits him. “boys are so dumb.” the boy protests, crossing his arms and huffing. jeno tries not to laugh at the sight, the boy slumping forward, lips curling into a pout as he kicks at the ground with enough anger that it begins to concern jeno, just the slightest bit. “i don’t know what the ground did to you, but man. i feel bad.” jeno starts, already laughing, especially when he notices the boy holding back a smile. jeno thinks he looks pretty, with the way his eyes light up. their laughter ends up dying down soon enough, and the boy stands up after they sit in silence for a minute or so, blurting out, “anyways. thanks for the help. i’m renjun, by the way. see you around, i guess? i think we go to the same high school. i’m not sure.” renjun rambles, and jeno tries to stop his eyes from widening, stuttering out his name and a soft, “yeah. i’ll see you around.” renjun smiles, and jeno thinks he’s never seen anything so warm. he heads back into the shop, a new feeling spreading throughout his chest, leaving him the slightest bit breathless. he tries to shake it off, focusing on his work instead.

donghyuck slams his hand down onto the lunch table, uttering a very loud “finally!” when jeno recounts his weekend. “now we have three - uh, four, excuse me, members, if mark isn’t trolling us. i’m liking this renjun guy already.” he looks proud, and jeno has to hold back his laughter when mark rolls his eyes. “you said his name was renjun, right? i think we have some mutual friends, actually. i’ll ask around for you.” jeno just blushes, gaze falling from mark, who can read him like an open book. “how do you like someone so quickly? all you know is his name and that he’s into boys.” donghyuck complains, and jeno is unsure of how to respond. “easy, hyuck.” mark mumbles, and jeno is grateful. “i don’t, like-like him. i just think he’s, uh, pretty. that’s all. a pretty boy.” he defends himself, picking at his lunch nervously. “a pretty boy.” donghyuck echoes, and jeno doesn’t have to look up to know he has a stupid grin on his face. “jeno’s in love.” he coos, reaching out to pinch his cheek. jeno pushes his hand away, grumbling when mark joins. he wishes things would go back to normal, kind of.

his wish isn’t granted, especially when he’s at work after school, and he hears the familiar ring of a customer entering the shop. he glances up from the counter, trying not to look surprised when he sees renjun. “oh, renjun. how are you?” jeno smiles at him, directing his attention towards the boy. “better than last time. i just, uh, wanted to stop by.” he responds, hands skimming over some flowers. “wanna help me out with some arrangements while you’re here? get your mind off of things for a little?” jeno asks, and takes note of the way renjun’s face lights up. renjun happily joins him, and they end up cross-legged on the floor, renjun filling the quiet shop with his stories and jokes, jeno more than okay with listening. later, when renjun leaves, jeno’s glad his wish isn’t granted. having renjun around is more than okay, he decides.

“maybe this is all one big ploy for you to fall in love with him.” donghyuck suggests when the visits become more frequent, and jeno gets the strong urge to throw his lunch at him. “no, wait. hear me out. so, he comes in pretending he needs flowers to give to his crush, right? except his crush is nonexistent, and it’s his way of having an excuse to come back to see you when his so-called crush rejects him. which explains the visits.” donghyuck clarifies, and jeno and mark practically roll their eyes in unison. “what a genius.” donghyuck continues, seemingly pleased with himself. “i could take some notes from him.” he adds, flushing the slightest bit when mark raises an eyebrow at him. 

later that day, mark makes his way over to his desk during english, telling him he’s invited renjun to eat lunch with them tomorrow after asking around a little. “why would you do that?” jeno practically hisses, eyeing his english teacher so they don’t get yelled at like usual. mark just grins at him, already making his way back to his seat. donghyuck’s no better, telling him how excited he is to finally meet the renjun he’s been going on about (jeno thinks he’s exaggerating because he really didn’t talk about him that much) during their walk home, teasing him endlessly. 

needless to say, jeno has even more difficulty waking up the next morning. he follows his usual routine, except this time he can feel the butterflies swirling in his stomach at the thought of having to sit through an entire lunch with renjun _and_ his friends.

being the anxious person that he is, he’s sweating by the time lunch rolls around, constantly wiping his hands on his jeans, causing donghyuck to scrunch his face up in distaste. “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you this nervous before.” mark comments, smiling reassuringly at him when he groans in response. “dude, it’s not like you’re dating.” donghyuck points out, and jeno swears he wants to die when he hears a soft voice ask, “who’s dating?” jeno stutters out a stupid response, scooting over to make room for renjun in an attempt to avoid the subject. mark kicks donghyuck under the table, who refuses to let it go unnoticed. “i’m renjun. you must be donghyuck.” renjun smiles warmly, oblivious to everything, and jeno’s ashamed at how his heart speeds up at the sight. “that’s me.” donghyuck grins, and jeno knows he’s about to launch into a barrage of embarrassing comments, so he desperately tries to start a conversation. “what’s that on your hands?” is the first thing that comes to mind, the flecks of color seemingly apparent. his face heats up when donghyuck snorts to himself, but renjun doesn’t seem to notice. “paint.” he clarifies, holding up his hands so jeno can see. “i just came from art.” renjun smiles sweetly at him, and jeno feels a tug in his chest as he smiles back. “speaking of art, are you working today? i wanted to come in and paint some of the flowers for one of my projects. if that’s okay, of course.” renjun admits. “yeah, sure. that’s fine. we can walk together if you want.” jeno suggests, turning pink when donghyuck stares at him across the table, trying not to smile. “that sounds nice.” renjun responds softly, his eyes filled with warmth as he looks over at jeno, who tries to think about anything other than that for the rest of lunch.

“dude, i’ve never seen you give someone heart eyes that badly. that was so gross.” donghyuck mentions afterwards, snickering when jeno shoves him in retaliation as they walk to their separate classes.

he regrets inviting renjun to walk with him when he’s sitting in class, anxiously tapping his foot on the ground, his mind constantly wandering. maybe he should’ve told him to come another day, but it’s too late now. part of him hopes renjun is a no-show when the bell rings, but there he is, at the front of the school, where jeno told him to come. renjun smiles when he sees him, shifting the art supplies in his hands so he can wave. “do you need some help?” jeno questions, already moving to take some of the supplies out of his hands. “oh. thank you.” renjun murmurs, looking up to smile at him gratefully. “you must really like art.” jeno points out, noticing the way renjun holds everything so gingerly, close to his chest so it doesn’t fall. renjun’s eyes light up, and he nods immediately. he fills the silence with ramblings about his appreciation for art, but jeno’s glad. he thinks renjun’s even prettier when he gets excited.

jeno had assumed that renjun would work in silence, because he thought it’d help him concentrate, but he ends up talking the entire time, filling what would’ve been silence with his laughter and soft spoken words. it’s nice, jeno thinks, even if it isn’t what he’s used to. he finds himself looking over at renjun more than he should, internally scolding himself each time, because he sees the way renjun’s eyes hold something other than happiness in them, the way he seems to be trying really hard to keep smiling. jeno doesn’t want to point it out, in fear of scaring him or maybe even hurting him. so that’s what they do. skirt around the negativity, focus on school and grades and hobbies and all the things that they aren’t scared to talk about. 

jeno doesn’t even realize how much time has passed until his phone flashes from a text message. renjun apologizes profusely when jeno tells him his shift is over, worried that he took up too much of his time. “it’s fine, i promise.” jeno assures, smiling as he starts getting ready to close up. “are you sure?” renjun frowns, a little crease forming between his eyebrows. jeno resists the urge to lean over and smooth it out, instead focusing on grabbing his things. “you don’t have to wait. i still have to close.” jeno looks over at renjun expectantly, figuring he doesn’t want to stay any longer. “and leave you to go home all by yourself? in the dark? what kind of friend would i be if i did that?” renjun teases, and jeno tries to ignore the way his breath hitches when he hears the word _friend_ fall from renjun’s lips.

renjun ends up walking him home, despite jeno’s protests. “you’re gonna get cold.” jeno whines as they make their way down the street. renjun just rolls his eyes, tugging his scarf around his neck a little tighter, before asking, “happy?” and grinning when jeno nods in response. jeno doesn’t want to think about how pretty renjun looks, even with his stupid little beanie and scarf, the sight making jeno’s heart race, or the dried paint stuck on his cheeks, making him look even cuter than usual. he thinks about it anyways.

“i’ll see you tomorrow?” jeno inquires when they reach his doorstep, leaning against the door. “lunch, if that’s okay?” renjun asks hopefully, and jeno’s nodding before he finishes, already excited to see him. 

jeno’s come to the conclusion that he’s okay with a change in routine, especially if it’s in the form of someone like renjun.

renjun doesn’t disappoint during lunch the next day, eyes bright as he makes his way over to their spot. “i hope you guys don’t mind if i join you again.” he confesses sheepishly, taking a seat next to jeno, who automatically smiles at him. “of course not.” jeno beams. “my friends aren’t, uh, too pleased with me right now. something about me liking boys being weird. you know, the usual.” renjun continues, a frown forming on his lips. “well, i suggest you name some names. i can give them a piece of my mind if you want.” donghyuck offers in between bites of his food. “no, it’s okay. it’s whatever.” renjun smiles, and they all collectively drop it, not wanting to overstep. “if you say so.” donghyuck shrugs, but renjun’s already moved on, once again filling the silence with funny stories and small talk.

it’s okay, nice even. jeno likes listening to renjun talk, likes the way his eyes gleam and the corner of his mouth curl upwards as he laughs, crinkles forming around his eyes. donghyuck kicks him under the table, mouthing, “you’re being noticeable,” and laughing when jeno’s cheeks flush. he drops his eyes, focusing on his food instead. “by the way, do you wanna hang out with us this weekend, renjun?” mark brings up when they go silent, and jeno’s eyes widen before renjun even has a chance to respond. “at jeno’s house.” donghyuck adds, earning a glare from jeno, who’s come to the conclusion that he can’t stand his friends. “i, uh, don’t know.” renjun begins awkwardly, avoiding everyone’s gazes. “i don’t wanna intrude. i mean, i just barely met you guys.” he continues, frowning down at his food. “if you’re uncomfortable, that’s totally fine. but we’d all like for you to come.” jeno blurts out, offering renjun the briefest of smiles afterwards to smooth over his words, as if to help renjun digest them a little easier. “we’re just gonna watch a bunch of netflix and order pizza. play some video games, maybe. nothing too stressful.” mark adds, giving renjun a warm smile. jeno silently thanks mark, who’s always been better at this kind of stuff than he is. “okay. yeah. if you guys don’t mind.” renjun finally decides, looking up at them. jeno pulls out his phone, handing it over to renjun. “so i can text you the time and address.” he explains, patiently waiting for renjun to give his in return. donghyuck insists on giving him his number too, and they spend a good chunk of lunch exhanging numbers, groaning when donghyuck has the bright idea of creating a groupchat. “you’re all assholes.” he complains in response to their reactions, making it anyways. 

jeno ends up walking renjun to his next class. not purposefully, per se. mark had asked where he was headed, and donghyuck chimed in to say that jeno was heading towards that direction too once renjun responded. (he wasn’t, but he went along with it anyways)

“i’ll text you later.” jeno promises, waving goodbye to renjun, who smiles in response. he’s almost late to his next class, smiling sheepishly at his teacher when the bell rings almost right after he walks through the door. he has difficulty focusing, even more so than usual, thoughts whirling around renjun and this weekend and everything he could possibly be worried about. 

later, jeno wishes he had work today, that way he wouldn’t be staring at his phone, thumb hovering over the send button. he’s been sitting by his desk for a solid ten minutes, trying to work up the courage to text renjun. he told him he would, and he needs his address in order to come over this weekend, but that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. 

“hit send or i will.” donghyuck finally threatens from his spot on the floor, and jeno jumps, already shoving his phone in his pocket. “i’ll do it later.” jeno mutters, focusing his attention back to his work. donghyuck rolls his eyes in response, holding out his hand. “let me do it.” he insists, and jeno briefly wonders if there could be anything worse than giving him his phone. “i’ll do it. i swear.” he responds, pulling his phone back out. he re-types the message, clicking send before he can even give it a second thought. he automatically throws his phone across the room onto the bed once it’s been done, not willing to read renjun’s response.

“imagine being this worked up over a boy.” donghyuck snickers. “like how you get all worked up over mark?” jeno shoots back, and he can feel donghyuck relent after the words slip out. “too close, dude. let me pine.” donghyuck mutters, and jeno feels a twinge of guilt. “pining won’t get you anywhere. you should just tell him.” jeno argues, turning in his chair to face donghyuck, who snorts in response. “like how you should tell renjun?” he asks, avoiding his eyes. “that’s different.” jeno protests, and donghyuck just shrugs, going back to his work instead of responding. “it is.” jeno insists, frowning. “whatever you say.” donghyuck remarks, laughing to himself. jeno chooses not to reply, deciding that he’d rather get his work done than humor donghyuck. 

he practically jumps out of his chair when he hears his phone buzz multiple times, turning around to see donghyuck scrambling to grab it. he beats him to it though, holding the phone away from the both of them. “come on, lemme see what he said.” donghyuck whines, trying to grab it out of his grasp. “i haven’t even read it.” jeno protests, glaring at the latter. “then read it.” donghyuck urges, waiting. jeno makes his way back to his desk, turning his phone back on to read the messages.

 _from: renjun :)_  
_i was kinda worried you would forget_  
_thank you though im excited to see you_  
_and everyone else of course_

jeno can feel his cheeks starting to heat up, and he ignores donghyuck’s teasing in order to type out a somewhat coherent response. 

_to: renjun :)_  
_the lack of trust you have in me physically pains me_  
_but you’re welcome_  
_im excited to see you too_

“here. read it.” jeno mumbles, throwing his phone to donghyuck, who catches it, thankfully. “how cute.” he teases once he’s read it, handing jeno his phone back. he realizes renjun’s sent him more messages, and he ends up focusing more on their conversation than his calculus homework, which is worse than he’d like to admit. 

he’s still talking to renjun when donghyuck leaves, announcing that he’s going to let him be all gross and mushy with renjun in peace, earning a protest from jeno. 

jeno learns that renjun’s even easier to talk to over text, and they spend the next couple of days talking pretty frequently. he doesn’t really know if he’s ever smiled this much at his phone, but he doesn’t mind - not even when donghyuck teases him about it. 

he finds himself looking forward to the weekend, even more so than usual.


	2. two.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jeno’s self control crumbles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh this took forever because im a perfectionist n hate everything i write 90% of the time but! this turned out decent i wish it was longer but i decided to update w what i had so yeah idk if it sucks im Sorry i rly rly liked the idea i had for this n now i have to stick w it even though it sucksfjd

saturday comes around before he knows it, and he’s nervous, even when both mark and donghyuck show up a little bit earlier to ease his nerves. “dude, you’re gonna be fine.” mark reassures, gesturing for him to stop pacing and sit down on the couch with them. “is that gonna make me any less anxious?” jeno asks, eliciting a groan from donghyuck. “just sit down already.” he huffs, waiting for him to join them. jeno does so reluctantly, but he can’t stop tapping his foot nervously, his hands fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater. he can literally feel his heartbeat in his throat, fast and anxious.

he practically shoots up from the couch when renjun texts him that he’s here, surprising both mark and donghyuck. “he’s here.” he explains, making his way over to the door to open it. renjun smiles the second he sees him, moving to hug him after he’s taken his shoes off. jeno thinks he looks even prettier today, with his baggy sweater and warm smile. his heart slams against his rib cage repeatedly, especially when renjun waves at mark and donghyuck instead of hugging them, like he did with jeno.

renjun stands awkwardly besides jeno, and he’s remembers that this is his first time here. “you can sit down, you know. the couch doesn’t bite.” he jokes, and he’s relieved when renjun laughs, all loud and clear, moving to take a seat next to mark, who strikes up a conversation with him almost automatically. jeno leaves briefly to order the pizza, making his way back to the couch when he’s done.

“where did you go?” renjun asks, looking up at him before he sits down. “i was ordering the pizza.” jeno explains, and he’s met with a soft _”ah”_ and a smile from renjun. the sight makes his heart flip flop in the best way possible.

“what are we binge watching today?” donghyuck leans over to jeno, who shrugs in response. “any requests?” mark asks, turning to renjun, who looks unsure. “just find whatever.” jeno instructs, throwing the remote at donghyuck, and renjun looks relieved. “thank you.” he whispers, so the others don’t hear, and jeno just smiles.

they’re a couple of minutes into the show donghyuck picked out when jeno becomes painfully aware of just how close he is to renjun. it’s not that he isn’t used to the contact, having already spent many movie sessions on this small couch with mark and donghyuck. they’re close enough so that their shoulders and legs are touching, and jeno has to resist the urge to wrap his arms around him. he’s more than grateful when he hears the doorbell ring, giving him the chance to move away without renjun questioning why, or misunderstanding, even.

renjun’s phone buzzes in the middle of them eating their pizza, and jeno notices the way he freezes when he reads the message across his screen. jeno nudges him slightly, mouthing, “you okay?” so that mark and donghyuck don’t notice. “i’ll be back.” renjun blurts out, dropping his plate down onto the table and jumping up from the couch suddenly. he stands frozen for a second, like he’s debating where to go, anxiousness written all over his features before he darts out the room. jeno almost laughs, finding his sudden departure slightly amusing - considering it’s his first time at jeno’s house, meaning he doesn’t know where anything is. his amusement is replaced by worry soon enough. “i’ll go..” jeno’s voice trails off as mark nods, urging him to go after renjun. he squeezes past mark and donghyuck, stumbling a little as he searches for renjun.

jeno finds him in the kitchen, his eyes wide and hands shaking. “i’m sorry. just, give me a minute, yeah?” renjun chokes out, and jeno wants to sigh, wants to hug him and tell him whatever made him so upset doesn’t matter, that he should never be anything but happy. he doesn’t, but he wishes he did.

he waits, instead - lets renjun sink against the countertop, down to the ground, where he tries to manage his breathing. he waits, because he’s scared to push him, to make things worse. renjun reminds him of the flowers that sit too long at the shop - the ones where their petals break away at the slightest of touches. he’s never thought of renjun like that, but he’s never seen renjun so unsteady, either. funny how things change.

jeno’s unsure of how much time passes before renjun speaks. “he texted me.” renjun confesses, and jeno doesn’t know what to say, almost as if the words got stuck in his throat. it’s one of those things they never really talked about, choosing to push it to the side instead. “it’s stupid. he said all these horrible things when i told him i liked him, and now he’s texting me. he was my best friend, my _best friend,_ and not talking to him was weird but him texting me is even weirder, and i just, i don’t know. i don’t know.” renjun rambles, laughing bitterly, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. his hands move to cover his face, a quiet sigh falling from his lips. “you don’t have to respond. you can always block him, delete his number, whatever. you don’t need someone like that.” jeno attempts to coax, not for his own selfish reasons, but for renjun’s own happiness. (that’s what he tells himself) “i know.” he breathes out, still not looking at him. “i know.” he repeats, like he’s still trying to convince himself of the fact. “you deserve better.” jeno blurts out, biting his lip nervously, hand moving to squeeze renjun’s shoulder reassuringly before leaning against the kitchen cabinets next to him. renjun leans his head on his shoulder, and jeno scoots closer to him, despite every fiber of his being screaming to stay where he is.

“i’m sorry. this isn’t normally how things go for you guys, huh?” renjun pipes up after they sit in silence for a minute or so. “there’s nothing to apologize for.” jeno argues, already moving so that he’s sitting across from renjun, but he just shrugs in response. “we can go back.” he mumbles, moving to stand up. “are you sure?” he asks, but renjun’s already swallowed all of his emotions back down, a familiar smile back on his face as he waits for jeno to join him.

neither mark or donghyuck say anything when they seat themselves back on the couch, just tell them what they missed before turning their attention back to the screen. renjun places his phone back into his pocket, the smile back on his face as he gives jeno the briefest of nods. jeno feels a sense of relief, knowing renjun’s okay now, or at least trying to be.

mark and donghyuck end up leaving earlier than planned, saying their goodbye’s despite jeno’s protests, who really doesn’t want to be left alone with renjun. it’s easier with other people around, especially for someone like him, but donghyuck just shrugs, that stupid smile on his face as he tries to tug mark out the door. mark, on the other hand, pauses to smile reassuringly, ever the pillar of support, before leaving. jeno tries not to sigh, closing the door quietly and making his way over to where renjun’s seated on the couch.

“i can leave too, if you want.” renjun blurts out, fiddling with his fingers. he’s sitting on the edge of the couch, like he’s preparing himself to get up as soon as jeno speaks. “why? don’t wanna be alone with me?” jeno teases, unable to keep the smile off his face when renjun lets out the smallest of laughs, his shoulders relaxing as he leans back on to the couch. “don’t tease.” renjun mumbles, but jeno just grins. “i don’t mind having you around.” jeno adds, taking a seat besides renjun. he tries not to dwell on the fact that he almost instinctively scoots closer to him, so that their knees are bumping into each other and their shoulders brush each time one of them moves even the slightest bit. jeno feels more at ease than he thought he would, heartbeat calm for the first time that day. a part of him thinks that he’s gotten used to renjun already. dangerous, but he pushes the thought aside.

renjun lingers as long as possible, and jeno doesn’t mind, not one bit. he usually loves spending time with his friends in general, but there’s just something about renjun, something that makes him feel content. jeno tries not to be disappointed when renjun finally admits he has to go, his parents wanting him home for dinner.

jeno watches him put his scarf and coat back on, resisting the urge to help him, to brush the hair out of his eyes when he places the beanie on top of his head, but renjun beats him to it, offering him the smallest of smiles. “are you walking?” jeno asks when he opens the door for him, realizing that no one came to pick him up. renjun nods, already slipping out the door. he turns to face jeno, his cheeks flushed pink from the cold, despite having just exited the house. “you’re gonna get sick if you walk.” jeno blurts out before he can stop himself, wishing he wasn’t so worried. “i’ll walk fast. don’t worry.” renjun promises, and jeno can’t help but smile. “okay.” he finally responds, ushering him out the door. “go quickly. the longer you linger, the colder you get.” jeno orders, pushing him down the porch in the most caring way possible, cracking a smile when renjun laughs, the sound cutting through the cold and making the atmosphere around them a little warmer. he watches him for a couple of seconds, blushing when renjun turns around, only to see jeno still standing there. he shakes his head just the slightest, smiling, and jeno closes the door.

his phone buzzes around ten, maybe fifteen minutes later.

 _from: renjun :)_  
_im home and not sick!!! just thought i would let u know since u were so concerned_

 _to: renjun :)_  
_im glad_  
_stay warm please !!! get a ride next time :(_

_from: renjun :)_  
_next time?_

_to: renjun :)_  
_duh! thats what friends do. hang out._ _multiple times in fact_

and it goes on, the teasing and joking. jeno finds himself smiling stupidly at his phone screen, wondering if renjun’s doing the same. he practically sighs at the thought, dropping his phone flat on his stomach from where he’s laying on the couch, burying his face in his hands. he knows wondering is dangerous, that holding on to some form of hope won’t end well, but that voice, the nagging voice in the back of his mind is whispering, __what if?__

he groans into his hands, wishing he wasn’t so stupid. hadn’t renjun literally lost it over that boy texting him just hours ago? it’s obvious that renjun’s still clinging on to him, unable to move on, but jeno’s still hoping for the best.

he’s always been optimistic, hopeful, even. it’s just part of who he is, why he walks into class on test day with high expectations, why he encourages donghyuck to confess to mark, why he does this and that, why he does so many things. it’s a big part of him, but right now, he wishes it wasn’t. he knows it’s just going to end up hurting him, because renjun is renjun and no amount of optimism can put a good spin on jeno’s situation.

jeno peels himself off the couch eventually, eating some of the leftover pizza before collapsing onto his bed. he’s opening up tomorrow, which means he needs sleep, but his mind can’t seem to slow down, thoughts drifting too much to do so.

he wakes up tired, and his routine feels even more precarious today as a result, too tedious and stifling. he goes through it anyways. familiarity is comfortable, reassuring, he tells himself as he makes his way to work, taking the same route as usual.

part of him hopes renjun shows up, because he likes having his presence around, likes the way everything feels so much more brighter and warmer with him there, but the other part is saying no, that he can’t afford to spend even more time with him, to fall in between the cracks and completely lose himself in renjun.

and so, his day goes on.

renjun doesn’t show up, but he texts him, and jeno ends up losing track of his lunch because of their conversation. each text feels like a punch to the gut, but he sends them anyways. friends is better than nothing, he reminds himself.

donghyuck’s face lights up the second he makes his way over to their lunch table on monday, wildly gesturing for jeno to sit. “spill.” he demands the second jeno takes a seat, and jeno knows he’s been waiting to hear it from him in person. “spill what?” jeno inquires innocently, feigning ignorance in an attempt to deflect. donghyuck’s face goes slack for a second, before he leans over the table to punch jeno’s shoulder lightly, muttering, “don’t screw with me, asshole.” mark snickers, trying to hide it by covering his mouth, but he’s not doing a good job. “there isn’t anything to spill.” jeno grumbles, nervously fidgeting with his fingers, all the while avoiding donghyuck’s gaze. “really? so he just sprinted out of the room for no reason? stayed behind even when we left for no reason?” donghyuk mocks, but his expression is soft, teasing even. jeno shrugs, trying to keep a neutral expression. the table is silent for a couple of seconds, until jeno decides that he can’t handle it.

 _“_ okay, so he might’ve had a breakdown over that guy he liked - likes, actually. i guess. and i might’ve sat with him and told him he deserves better. and when you guys left, we talked and, yeah. that’s about it.” jeno discloses, and he can feel his face fall as he speaks. _”oh.”_ donghyuck mumbles, and they go silent again. “it’s whatever. being friends is enough.” jeno speaks up eventually, when the silence becomes a little too uncomfortable for him. he ignores the protests from his friends, shrugging before focusing on eating his food in hopes to avoid any further conversation. no one says much, not even donghyuck, for the rest of lunch.

renjun doesn’t show up, either. things are back to normal, back to the routine jeno so desperately follows, but not quite. it’s not the same without renjun, he decides.


End file.
